Communicating from your perspective is always the way to go, especially when you’re bringing up something hard. It works so much better than projections because it’s more accurate (you don’t know how they feel or why they did what
The power of knowing where you are emotionally AND THEN stating what you need is truly at the core of regulated living. One of the most regulating (and compassionate!) things you can do is notice your emotional capacity in real time. You don’
Learning to get out of your own way will improve your relationships, hands down. Adopting this mindset (with work and time) in my own marriage has helped me get ahead of disappointment and feel more deeply met over the years. When I was first marri
In our adult relationships, often what you see ISN’T what you get. There’s a lot more to the surface level interaction. You’re interacting with the adult before you AND their inner child- especially when there’s conflict. B
If this resonates, also remember: it’s not your job to keep the peace. If someone else is acting out, let that be their problem. You didn’t do anything wrong. Comfort your young self that felt like they had to take too much responsibil
We can find healing independently AND/OR within the context of a healthy relationship. It takes work, though. And emotional maturity and communication. And often times, couple’s counseling and/or individual counseling help too. Find a pictu
Leaving this here for all my friends that feel guilty too much of the time 💗. Something we don’t talk about enough is the experience of guilt as an adult when you’ve had a hard childhood. You might feel guilty for speaking up, setting
Leaving this here for anyone who wants to add this skill to their self-soothing tool kit. Our nervous systems pick up on the nervous systems of the people around us. Sometimes we’re too wound up for words. Then, co-regulation can be helpful i
A good reminder for today: How many times have you been driving to get somewhere and thought, “if only l’d left just a few minutes earlier this drive would be more pleasant?” I know that’s been me more than a few times. Som
A sign of secure attachment is being able to stay connected, even when there’s conflict. When you can hold both “I’m hurt” AND “I’m still here”, you’re showing yourself and the other person that love d
Many people, more people than you think, come to adulthood with healing to do. We can often be surprised at what shows up in our relationships as adults, because our closest relationships can be uniquely triggering. If this is you, you aren’t
Staying tethered in the midst of conflict is important to feel securely attached. Not in some fluffy, unrealistic way. But in ways where you affirm to yourself and your partner that you can hold both conflict and connection at the same time. Making